Faith jokes

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?

A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Why do orphans come to me?

'Cause they have someone to call "father."

Why did the orphans go to the church?

Because they need someone to call "father."

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."

The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"

I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Why do orphans go to church?

To call someone "father."

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?

Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨

You are family.

Women: Can I have your number?

Jesus: No.

Women: Why? Are you scared?

Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.