Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
A priest is drowning in a river... A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says "leave me alone, god will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn't you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn't take them! "
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up? You Tell them its a leap of faith
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys
If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"
Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
What does B.I.B.L.E. Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence Does it cycle now?
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. -- Which makes me an eighth theist.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
Why was baptism invented. How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth; and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy. But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence
Why do u call a priest a father because calling them daddy would be too sus
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
