Party jokes

People are like tequila glasses,

you gotta shoot them down fast.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....

Good thing my brother's a little bit different.

Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?

A: A cold shoulder.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.

What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

Nothing, she was hung over.

Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party?

To leave everyone SPEECHLESS!

What do gingers miss most at a grate party?

The invitation.

Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.

Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.

I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.

Mom: Let's have an adoption party!

Kid: *cries*

Mom: What's wrong?

Kid: I'M ADOPTED????

What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?

It's a motherfucking shitshow party!

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?

Panda-monium!

Clarissa is here with us.

What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.

After every line, say “I’m a man.”

I went to the club. (I’m a man)

I met a girl. (I’m a man)

I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)

We got some drinks. (I’m a man)

I took her home. (I’m a man)

We got in bed. (I’m a man)

She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)