Weapon jokes

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?

Special forces.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."

What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?

One comes out of the chamber.

What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).

Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.

Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.

Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.

What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?

When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.

Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.