I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Mom:lets have an adoption party! Kid:cries Mom:what’s wrong? Kid:IM ADOPTED????
clarissa is here is here with us
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party? (Part 2) To leave everyone SPEECHLESS
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
Q: What did the late Canibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
