Party jokes
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
What do you call a Lesbian at a Barbecue? A LGBBQ.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
What do you call a house party for slaves?
An auction house.
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.