Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What do you call a Lesbian at a Barbecue? A LGBBQ.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
