Music Jokes

Nun

cynthia
·

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

Riddles

Anonymous
·

What do you call a singing laptop? -- A Dell.

4

Mozart

Anonymous
·

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

2

Doctor

dirty night clown
·

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Puns

Anonymous
·

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" -- The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

5

Cent

Anonymous
·

What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

1

Minor

Anonymous
·

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

8

Puns

Anonymous
·

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

1

Puns

Anonymous
·

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Stevie Wonder

Anonymous
·

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

Neither has he.

5

Puns

Anonymous
·

Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.

5

Singing

johnny rub
·

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away

Singing

Anonymous
·

What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.

Astronaut

Joshua Morison
·

What music do Astronauts Listen to?

Nep-Tunes

Orphan

Ur MoM;)
·

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

Next: Inappropriate Jokes

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

Rhyme

The Riddler
·

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

Emo

Anonymous
·

What is an Emo’s favourite music element

Self harmony

Michael Jackson

Anonymous
·

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

7

Undertale

TheCo0lSkel3tonsBros
·

Skeletons can't play church music, obviously. They got no organs

Chair

Someone
·

Who's the best at musical chairs?

Stephen Hawking