What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
Why did the emo leave the bar?
Because it was happy hour.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
Trees are so social. They're always branching out.
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?
Answer: A family photo.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
What kind of family pictures do orphans take?
Selfies!!
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
