Military jokes
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
A girl kept looking through the window whilst the boys got changed!
I, as a boy, was getting annoyed, so I found an interesting magazine in the corner. So, what did I do? Reload and fire!
I joined the military for the group showers.
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
What do you call 6 gay men going to war?
Rainbow 6 Siege.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.