Overeating Jokes

Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?

A: Because knives don't have barrels.

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?

They flip it over.

A black and white drawing shows a large hand pressing down on smaller people. A quote from Voltaire is at the top. The comment on the post says, "we need to rise up against children with leukemia."

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

Nothing, she was hung over.

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

(The plane) we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it.

When a wheelchair kid bends over, wheelchair kid goes “ohhahahhahhahahahahal!”

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.