Overeating jokes

When the emo kid says let’s play truth or dare, You know it’s about to hang over.

Guys, I'm back...

Here's my joke:

What is blue and red all over?

Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"

A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it. Oh no, we'll have to go through it!"

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.

Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?

A: Because knives don't have barrels.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home.

Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.

What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

(The plane) we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it.