900+ Overeating Jokes

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

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A meme with two parts. The upper part is a dialogue between a kid and a mother about dark humor. The mother tells her kid to tell a man without arms to clap. The kid responds he's blind, and the mother says, "Exactly." The bottom part shows a man in a sports uniform being interviewed in front of a football field at night. The text on the image says, "They had us in the first half, not gonna lie."

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."

911 jokes usually go over my head.

Then it hits me.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?

you flip it over.

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."

What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?

They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

*Loud explosion inside the tank*

"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?

What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?

A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"