My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Girl: "Come over." Orphan: "I can't." Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)" Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."
911 jokes usually go over my head
Then it hits me
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool
you flip it over
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
If a person in a wheel chair runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can ́t Run
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
why did the depressed person cross the road.
to get ran over.
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.
I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles
What were the terroist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it we can’t go under it we'll have to go through it
Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: *gets the noose*
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head
