Appearance jokes
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.
Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
The happier they get, the less they see.
Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and feel better.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.