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Russian history in 5 words: “And then things got worse.”

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ¨You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?¨ The Cuban simply says, ¨See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.¨ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Oh, OK.¨

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ¨You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?¨ The Russian simply states, ¨See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap.¨ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Ah, yes! Of course.¨

The American scratches his head and goes, ¨I think I see the pattern here.¨ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!¨

Why are Trump’s ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

hippity hoppity dont abolish my property

In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually

In America planes hit the twin towers. In Soviet Russia Twin Towers hit planes.

An american is touring the Soviet union. A russian takes him to a school so he can see what its like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The american asks whats wrong and he cries “I want to live in the Soviet Union!”

in normal country they have lemonade in soviet russia they have Leninade “refresh yourself with a cold war.”

In Soviet Russia, You love Chinese and hate Chinese

A Russian walked into a bar… unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you

In normal country you call it Yugoslavia. In soviet Russia its call aregoslavia.

In normal country you call it Yugoslavia. In soviet Russia its called yugostravia.

y do people name a kid rob because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in there basement for a late night toy