Russia jokes
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
We love Russia, we do.
We love Russia, we do.
We love Russia, we do.
Oh, Russia, we love you! 🇷🇺
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
Russia vs. Ukraine is the ultimate CS:GO match ever!
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
Gays: I like men.
Straights: I like women.
Russia: Hole is hole.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
What are Russia's favorite netball positions?
Goal Shooter and Wing Attack.
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
Why is Russia invading Ukraine?
«Мы хотим вернуть Советский Союз!»