Russia jokes
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.
What are Russia's favorite netball positions?
Goal Shooter and Wing Attack.
What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?
Neither of them respect boundaries.
In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
"Maga be like Antifa invaded Ukraine, but I thought Antifa was Russia, you dumb Maga chuds!"
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
Honestly, Ukraine is just built to annoy Russia.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?