New Overeating Jokes

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: The U.S. in 1919!

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

I know Marie Antoinette jokes aren't funny, but they're nothing to lose your head over.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?

The Jew World Order.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Harold Arlen.

What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

What do you call a disabled orphan?

A left over vegetables.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

You know I wish life was shorter?

I want it over.

How was copper wire invented?

Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.

What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?

Rainbow road.

Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?

It goes right over their head.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."