Overeating Jokes

The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dragon.

Dragon deez nuts.

Dragon deez nuts who?

DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

What’s black, white, and red all over?

An embarrassed biracial guy.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What’s red and white and black all over?

A dead white man at night time!

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.

Twin Towers: "No, it won't."

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.