Overeating jokes

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

Flip 1134 over on a calculator.

Happy holidays!

5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"

What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.

Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.

Twin Towers: "No, it won't."

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"