Man jokes

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?

"That is very Wong."

Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?

Alzheimer's.

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Why are gay men better than straight women?

Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

What did God say when he made the first black man?

"Crap, I burnt one!"

What is the difference between a black man and Jew?

One was born burnt.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

How do you know Adam and Eve were White?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from a Black man?