Man jokes

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

No, Stephen Hawking wasn't the first man to walk on the moon.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

A fish is dead, who do you call? Aquaman!

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"

"Scoop pa tun manaa?"

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.