I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.
How did the germans conquer poland so fast? they marched in backwards and the polish people thought they were leaving.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
Your forehead is so big I thought you were megamind for a second there
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said "Honey, I flat chested. The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex. The next day, the wife said "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."...
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
I was walking down the street when i thought i smelled my ex's perfume, turns out i was standing in front of a fish market.
English is weird. -- It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
What happened to the blind man's son. He thought he was hitting a pinyata.
Your forehead is so big, I thought it was mount chiliad
yo mama so stupid she joined the squid game as a sea life lover bc she thought it was a game of whoever catches the most octopuses wins
There was a fish looking for a great meal, he looks above him and See's a fly. He thought ' If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal ' long story short A pussy gets wet
I have a huge thought, if s@tan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good.
I thought of you today, and it reminded me to take out the trash.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam, when he stuck it in I started to squirm so he held onto my shoulder. I thought it was going well.
Until he grabbed my other shoulder as well. ( If someone can write it better go ahead, I know it sucks)
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch, at him I thought I would brighten up his day
Man 1:Dude viagra is for pussys real men don’t need viagra Man 2: I thought viagra was for dicks
