I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
English is weird. -- It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.
Your forehead is so big your inner thought echo
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
I get so many thing stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
i got a lot running through my head right now i wish at least one was a 12 gauge round
I heard that my Crush got kicked in the Balls and when I thought of it...
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
People trying too stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT”
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
I have a huge thought, if s@tan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good.
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words :Turn of the stove when you're done My last thought : am I a murder
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped. A blonde thought and did get raped.
