Thought jokes
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
Yo momma so dumb, she thought this joke was funny.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
Your forehead is so big, I thought it was Mount Chiliad.
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Yo head so freaking small, people thought it was an expired grape.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
Yo momma so dumb that she thought Auradon was in "Varian And The Seven Kingdoms."
I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.