Man jokes
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
"Scoop pa tun manaa?"
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
I saw a man. I saw another man. And I saw another. Where am I? Comment below.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.
So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
After every line, say “I’m a man.”
I went to the club. (I’m a man)
I met a girl. (I’m a man)
I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)
We got some drinks. (I’m a man)
I took her home. (I’m a man)
We got in bed. (I’m a man)
She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)