Man jokes

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

No, Stephen Hawking wasn't the first man to walk on the moon.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?

One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."

Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"