Knife jokes

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

Why couldn't the clown walk after his infamous knife-juggling act?

Because he was exhausted nigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

How do you eat a meat?

You steak it in your mouth.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

Who do Chinese people name their kids?

Throw the forks and knives down the stairs.

There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"

There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"

When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.

By the way, have you seen my sister?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. 🔪🔪

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.

Cut.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.

A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.