Knife jokes
What is the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
Yo mama so fat, everytime she has to use the world's largest knife.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")