Knife jokes
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
Why did the emo trade his knife for a chainsaw?
- To win
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."
I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?
Frisk: One knife, plz.
Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.
Waiter: You eat a knife?
Frisk: Yes.
*Waiter asking for one knife*
Waiter: Here you go.
Frisk: Thanks you.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.