New Knife Jokes

i only cut to find out if im real or cake

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo

How do you kill a retard

Give them a knife and say “who’s special”

After having a win at bingo Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea..... During the meal her daughter asked her mum what it was to which she replied with a little smile...'Its what I call your father'... Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin 'Oh My God Dont eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!

What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.

What's common between a feminist and a knife? They both stay in the kitchen.

Me: wanna play a game Sister: ya, what is it Me: tic tac toe Sister:? Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve Me: tic tac toe

Q: What's the best way to carve wood? A: Whittle by whittle.

* sans at sans favorite restaurant* Sans: hey frisk what do you eat today?

Frisk: one knife plz

sans: ok one knife plz

Waiter: you eat a knife?

Frisk: yes

* waiter asking for one knife*

Waiter: here you go

Frisk: thanks you

What does a knife have but not my life...

A point

whats flat and great for cutting? me

Guy: "can I tell you a joke?" Spiderman: "yes" Guy: "you only have 11 months on your calendar" Spiderman: "why" Guy: holds up knife* "because I murdered May"

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words

Are you getting the knife

Knock knock “ who’s there?” knife “knife, who” how are you still alive? I just stabbed you.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

Making a comforting breakfast But you have a knife.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals. I hacker, a rapist, a serial killer and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial decides that she want’s to change, but when she see a knife she just can’t help it. He bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist get teleported back to prison

One day i was texting my friend on roblox and i made her made her mad. she told me she was gonna kill me. that night she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 pm sharp. but she made sharp in all caps. so i went to the bathroom at pm the next day. now i know what she meant by SHARP on roblox...... she brought a knife and i was in hell by then. like for the next part!