Cut.
My therapist said Time heal all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait....
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
Q: Why does Pewdiepie prefer knives over guns?
A: Because knives don't have barrels.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Sans: What do you have there?
Frisk: A KNIFE!
Sans: NOO!!!
Why was the emo jealous of the orange?
It came precut.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
There’s a woman cutting onions who is her husband walks in and starts crying onions was a good dog
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
Are you a knife?
Because I want to deep throat you.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
What is the difference between onions and babies? I cry when I cut onions.
What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?
They're both gay and use knives.
