Knife Jokes

Whats a crazy mans favorite phrase when he has a knife?

Freak out!

Sans: What do you have there? Frisk: A KNIFE! Sans: NOO!!!

Dad: I heard and actor killed them selves with a knife, it was Reese something. Mom: Witherspoon. Dad: no with a knife you dummy.

Why was the emo jealous of the orange

It came precut

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?’ ''Yes madam...My daddy told me a story about my Mom " “OK, let’s hear” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit”. “She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife”. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?”

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk```...!!!”

There’s a woman cutting onions who is her husband walks in and starts crying onions was a good dog

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents? They cry... They scream.. with joy "Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents" Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didnt live to tell the tail...

Are you a knife? Because I want to deep throat you

When knife tells Annoying Orange "I'm trying something new", Annoying Orange said "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs

What is the difference between onions and babies? I cry when I cut onions.

What's common between a feminist and a knife? They both stay in the kitchen.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?' ''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom " "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit". "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife". "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"

:"Whats the diffrece of an Orphans life and a knife"

:"A knife has a point"

A B C D E F G. Gummy bears are chasing me one is red one one is blue.one is chewing up my shoe.now i'm running for my life because the red ones got a knife