Advertisement
Advertisement

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.

Puns

Rick

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

Puns

Anonymous

Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.

Time

Anonymous

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

Puns

Salad

What did the salad say to pineapple

Lettuce be friends

Lettuce

Anonymous

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? – You make a seizure salad.

Tomato

Mcat

what did the salad dressing say to the tomato? Don’t look I’m Dressing!

Chicken

Anonymous

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad( chicken Caesar salad )

Roman

Anonymouz

Cesar: What was that good salad called? Servant: Ceaser, Cesar. Cesar: Okay, what’s going to be the weather like? Servant: Hail, Cesar Cesar: yes I know Hail Cesar but I need to know what the weathers like! Servant: Well its hail, Cesar. Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!

Time

lofty

How do you make any salad int a Cesar salad? you stab it 23 times.

Puns

Anonymous

Why was the chef embarrassed. He saw the salad dressing.

Caesar

Anonymous

Why’s it called a Caesar Salad? ‘Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.

Advertisement

Tomato

Anonymous

Why did the tomato blush. Answer : because it saw the salad dressing.

Poor

Prankster for my parents!

Hey guys todays funnyiest prank: Is when I poored a bunch of red whine into the chicken salad…to be honest and was a TON of whine I purded in there! My family could not tell the dirfense at all! Anyway bye thats the prankster! Next time or see time next!

Baby

Prankster prank phone calls.

Prank phone calls. I did this prank last week, I picked the not so big buisness and places to do pranks phone calls. Burger King. Jcpennys. and nighbors. I will tell you what I said. Me: "Hello this is…Zariana and I am from New York." Burger king staff: "Will we work in Florida." Me: "Good now I want a large cake with some salad…with some eggnog…and some baby food" Burger king: “We don’t serve any of that ma’am.” Me: "And I want it to go please!" Burger king staff: “Sorry ma’am we don’t ha- " And I hung up on him right before he could say have. Now JCPenneys ordering. Me: “Hello this is Trina from south carolina.” Jcpennys register: “Yes what can I don for you ma’am ?” Me: “Excuse me”? Jcpennys register: “I was asking if there is anything you need help with ma’am.” Me: “Sorry I can’t hear you…what!” Jcpennys register: “WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER MA’AM.” Me: “I still can’t hear you! Say that again!!!” Jcpennys register: “Ma’am can you hear correclty?” Me: “YES I CAN…NOW YOUR GOING TO BODY SHAME THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A 1 STAR RATTING!!!” Jcpennys register: “No ma’am I was just saying tha-” Hung up. Next one was on my nigbores. Mrs. Jarkinson. Me: “Hello, sorry to bother you but do you know what this word mean fhermkrekm”? Mrs. Jarkinson: “What who is this?” Me: “Ummm…Mrs. Keris!” Mrs. Jarkinson: " So what does what word mean again?’’ Me: " fnjfnjrfnjr!” Mrs. Jarkinson: “What!!!” Me: “fnjefnj” Mrs. Jarkinson: SO SORRY WHAT!!! Me: “Never mind!” Hehehe! Hung up on here now Mr. Morris. Me: “Hola Sr. Morris. que pasa” Mr. Morris: “Sorry what I don’t speake spanish!” Me: “Está bien … di que no me hagas caso, ¡solo necesito ayuda!” Btw I used tranlater app and I learned really quickly! Mr. Morris: “What does that even mean!” Me: “Sí señor, veo dónde está su cabeza, pero ¿cómo se hace algún libro? ¿Me parece muy difícil? Jejejeje!” Mr. Morris: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN THOUGH!!! Me: “No señor, no se rinda en el primer intento de ballet! Debería ser fácil … di de qué te quejas? Oh sorry I have to go!” Mr. Morris: “Wait but what does tha-” I bet your wondering how I got these phone calls rememberd will I recorded them! I don’t how but I did. Btw Not spanish just learn really quickly.

Little Johnny

Mr. Nuclear/little johnny

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says “tell ya what, spell out “lad” in salad” she spells L A D, Johnny replies “spell “rot” in carrot” she spells R O T, Johnny says “now spell “fuck” in vegetables or fruits” she says “there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits” Johnny exclaims “thats what ive been trying to tell you!”

Nut

SEX

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Other jokes:

  1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

  2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

  4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

  5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

  6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

  7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

  8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

Tree

Daniel King

Why did the monster 🧟‍♀️ put the cook in a bowl?

He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂

Lettuce

Zhopan

What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!

Fat

Anonymous

Hey I got some dominos pizza salad breadsticks and chicken wings for everyone yeah but make sure ms Mandingo gorilla don’t eat all up because if she do I’m going have to shove it up her fur.

Loading...