Salad jokes
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
It's Caesar salad.
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.