Salad jokes
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What is big and long and hard?
A cucumber!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce in.
Lettuce in who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.
And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?