What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.



Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.



What did the salad say to pineapple

Lettuce be friends



What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.



How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.



What do you do with epileptic lettuce? – You make a seizure salad.



How do you make any salad int a Cesar salad? you stab it 23 times.



Why was the chef embarrassed. He saw the salad dressing.



What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?

A chicken sees a salad( chicken Caesar salad )



Cesar: What was that good salad called? Servant: Ceaser, Cesar. Cesar: Okay, what’s going to be the weather like? Servant: Hail, Cesar Cesar: yes I know Hail Cesar but I need to know what the weathers like! Servant: Well its hail, Cesar. Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!



what did the salad dressing say to the tomato? Don’t look I’m Dressing!



A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Other jokes:

  1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

  2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

  4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

  5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

  6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

  7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

  8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

Little Johnny

Mr. Nuclear/little johnny

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says “tell ya what, spell out “lad” in salad” she spells L A D, Johnny replies “spell “rot” in carrot” she spells R O T, Johnny says “now spell “fuck” in vegetables or fruits” she says “there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits” Johnny exclaims “thats what ive been trying to tell you!”



Why’s it called a Caesar Salad? ‘Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.


Daniel King

Why did the monster 🧟‍♀️ put the cook in a bowl?

He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂



Hey I got some dominos pizza salad breadsticks and chicken wings for everyone yeah but make sure ms Mandingo gorilla don’t eat all up because if she do I’m going have to shove it up her fur.



What was the epileptic chef’s house special? Seizure salad.


Help me

How do you make any salad a caesar salad -stab it 23 times


andyy on snapchat

the reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy it was so I don’t need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.


Salad joker

Why did the tomato go red because it saw salad dressing