Kill

Kill jokes

Boss

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

Time

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Army

If you have an emo kid army, they'll kill themselves before they get to the field.

Terrorist

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

Book

Why did the math book kill itself?

It had too many problems.

Butterfly

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

Abortion

Emo

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

Dad

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Terrorist

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

Kid

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

Isaac Newton

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎

Murder

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

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  • Editor

    When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.