Book jokes

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

Today I went into the library looking for books on gangstalking. The librarian leaned over the circulation desk and said, "They're right behind you."

A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!

I asked a librarian if they had a section with Rocky Horror books.

She said: "Sure, just take a jump to the left and then a step to the right."

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.

Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?

Hairy Potter.

What's a gun's favorite type of literature?

Magazine.

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.

Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.

I just bought a book about lamps...

So I can do some light reading over the weekend.

The students at Columbine needed books, but all they got were magazines.

What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?

A Mac Daddy Pro.

Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.