I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
Chuck Norris is so immortal, even he killed Death.
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."
