Kill jokes
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
New horror movie idea.
The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."
I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."