I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
Kill Jokes
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
Why did 7 kill 11?
Because now 7 was even.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
