Im jokes
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
Guys, you know any best rape roleplay? (I'm a guy, btw.)
I'm a recovering cake addict.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
I'm just happy no idiots are calling these people fat-phobic.
A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”
Bully: You are a piece of shit.
Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.
I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
(Omg omg literally dislike I'm so cringe!)
Hi, I'm Claire. I am new to this website. I have been seeing these "Legends," and I've been tracking one specifically, watersharky. I have questions about him. Is he nice, protective, single? If anyone has any more information about him, please tell me.
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.