Im jokes

I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.

"Eugheugh," said the boy.

Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.

Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.

Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.

Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.

Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.

I'm racist.

I don't like green cars.

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."

What can you say in bed and in piano class? Im fingering A Minor

I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.

I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

What’s a necrophiliac’s safe word? I’m alive.

I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.

I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.

I'm the autism.

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.

Now I'm terrified of airports.

An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"

The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."

The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"

The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"

Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?

Her: Yes, why do you ask?

Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!

I'm inventing a new glue and calling it "Six Seven"... it's a chemical brainrott.

The next woman who says she'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear, I'm throwing her in a pit with a bear and making her fight it with a wooden sword while drinking and singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair."

Is skin picking self-harm?

Cause I'm red all over without a razor.

Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"

Responder: "Please hang on!"

In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"

Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."

Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"

Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"

The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"

The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."

The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"

"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"