A father is talking to his three kids Kid 1: why is my name rose Dad:Because when you were a kid a rose fell on your head Kid 2: why is my name lily Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh Dad:oh hey Brick

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when i got out i noticed he was left for bread, i felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this

i told my friend to watch naruto, it's been a week since i've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."