A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”
Hears the news about Sandy Hook Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives… Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:… Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.
Just imagine, if Paul Walker survived the crash would they have to change his name from Paul Walker to Paul Crippled?
imagine the russians showing up late to the 1917 revoloution with a tsarbucks in hand. they were late so I guess they weren’t russian. They were probaly stalin.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son. Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
…Now imagine his name is Allahu Akbar
Why are there no women in the NFL? Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity. So the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch shed have to be?
Mom: you need to grow up. your so immature
Me: glares get out of my castle …
Mom: it’s a pillow fort
Me: why cant i have an imagination!?
Mom: your almost 19 years old
Me: not good enough … OUT!