The 600+ Best Im Jokes

im not suicidal im just speedrunning life

you know what really gets me under my skin when im down? sharpener blades

I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

what did the traffic light say to the other

hey stop looking at me im changing

Bro asian girls have the weirdest names i was fucking one and she kept on saying im tu yung

Daughter: Dad

Dad: Yes honey

Daughter: Im Lesbian

Dad: Ok

Daughter 2: Dad

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: Im lesbian too

Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here

Son: I do...

Im doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. Its called spastics on elastics

best friend makes 9/11 joke

you: hey my dad was inside the tower

best friend: im sorry

you: I always knew he was a great pilot

Teacher: Ok class I'm going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don't worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf's heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks

Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

My arm: IM GETTING RIPPED TONIGHT

Person 1: you are the dumbest person in the class. Person 2: well ur the second. Person 2: maybe but at least im not the dummest. Person 2: i know how to fix that! ... Next day person commits sucide...

what do you call a train with buble gum?

a chew chew train

oh man im depressed

Look, im innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY. But my co-polit said: hit it with ur best shot.

People judge me because im quiet

no one plans a massacre out loud

what did one ocean say to the other ocean? nothing, they just WAVED. can you SEA what i did there? im SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? dont be a BEACH.