Humor
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
joe mama roast
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.