Humor
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.