Humor
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Memes
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didnβt know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
John
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.