Humor

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.

Midget: Hey! What’s up?

Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

Is it incest if it’s out in the open?

Or is it... outcest?

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

Out of a catalogue. 😁

What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.