Humor
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
Memes
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
John
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
Is it incest if it’s out in the open?
Or is it... outcest?
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.