John Jokes

And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster


Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died... His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...


And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Man: Cow milk is drinkable Other man: How do you know that? Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth* Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather. Chloe says "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic" John says "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler"

So one day a teacher asked how many of you have thought of committing suicide half of the class raised their hand but the teacher said “ Where is Jesse and John “ ?

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

"Hey I heard you were a bit dow- where's John?" "He died" "oh I'm so sorry but I got you food " (after they eat) "Hey how did John taste seasoned and cooked.?"

Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?

John: I don't know.

Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...