And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster
(found on web) There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”.
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see… Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach… “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls”
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
Teacher:what does a pig give you Little Johnny:Bacon Teacher:good,what does the sheep give you Little Johnny:Wool Teacher:What does the fat cow give you Little Johnny:homework and says leave motherf*cker
And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Papa John’s pizzeria and abortion clinic, You make 'em we bake 'em
What do you call a sad Coffee
What’s the last thing that went through John f Kennedy’s head?
What’s the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
Teacher:what does a pig give you Little Johnny:Bacon Teacher:good,what does the sheep give you Little Johnny:Wool Teacher:What does the fat cow give you Little Johnny:homework and says leave motherfucker
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died… His version was to be called “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down on Me”…
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”
"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”
“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”
then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
John F. Kenedy: Are you a bullet? Because I can’t get you out of my head
John : hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming
Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am
Person: So you know that persons name you say when you make a hoop, well he’s dea Friend: Yeah John Wilkes Booth Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln. Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot
John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That’s why we can’t see him anymore.
What did john cena say to the blind man? U CANT SEE ME!
my dad is john cena
because i can’t see him