And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster


What’s the last thing that went through John f Kennedy’s head?

A bullet

What do you call a sad Coffee


What’s the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy very wise presidents?

They both had an open mind.

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.

John : hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming

Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am

Papa John’s pizzeria and abortion clinic, You make 'em we bake 'em

What did john cena say to the blind man? U CANT SEE ME!

I love you Hebrew john

John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That’s why we can’t see him anymore.

What did John Cena say to Ray Charles? Hey, man.

Why did John throw the butter out? Because John wanted to see the butter flavor 😂

John say a Gay in a wheel chair

“I didn’t know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable”

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D

Me: John what did he do earlier

John: hold on, I’m trying to think

Me: I thought I smelled poop

no one: literally no one: Abraham Lincoln: dies John Wilkes Booth: ranks up