Bathroom scale jokes

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.

Everyone else in the minefield...

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."