Sandwich

Sandwich Jokes

Envy

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

Psycho

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

Comeback

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

Construction Worker

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

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  • Bar

    A sandwich walks into a bar.

    Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

    Meal

    A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.

    -- Jeffery Dahmer

    Drug

    Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

    iPhone

    What did the blond say about the new iPhone?

    Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.

    Difference

    What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

    I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.

    Michael Jackson

    Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

    They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

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  • Sex

    Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

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  • Bread

    My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

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  • Lgbt

    Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

    He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

    People

    Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.

    Panda

    A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

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  • Face

    Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

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  • Beach

    What would you find on a haunted beach?

    A sand-witch!

    "Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"

    BB-8

    Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?

    A: Because BB-8 it.

    Ya it's bad:)