80+ Sandwich Jokes

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

A photo of a smiling man and woman wearing bike helmets. Text above them reads: "Roses are Red, Sandwich is Grilled". Text below them reads: "Millennial Couple Bikes Through ISIS Territory to Prove 'Humans Are Kind' and Gets Killed."

A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.

-- Jeffery Dahmer

Why is jelly laughing a lot?

Because his friend goes nuts!

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

What did the blond say about the new iPhone?

Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?

Panera Bread.

Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.

A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.