Humor

"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"

"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

What do you call a ghost bee?

Boobees.

What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?

Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?

The quiet kid: Splosion.

Teacher: What comes after A?

The quiet kid: AK-47.

Teacher: Faints.

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"

What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.

Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.

Why are girls and rocks so alike?

If they're flat, they get skipped.

Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.

What's 10 inches and makes women scream?

Cot death!

Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?

A: Carlos.

I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?

They'll end up only throwing the pin.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."