Humor

A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"

All zodiac signs have a signature hairstyle except for cancer. :)

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."

What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?

You just got fruit-rolled.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

What do you call a ghost bee?

Boobees.