Humor
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Memes
tryna catch a body??
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
The worst joke ever.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?