Ren

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs. He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.

The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up...and throws her in the pond telling her, "You're fucked now!"

What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu? One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight I told her to keep her chins up

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling