Humor
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!