Humor

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?

Because every little helps!

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

To say sorry to the other side.

Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?

Everywhere!

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash and carry.

John

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Graaaaiins.

Is it incest if it’s out in the open?

Or is it... outcest?

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?

Diddler on the Roof.

Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?

A-Mean-O-Acid.

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.