Health jokes

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

What do you give a sick lemon?

A lemon-aid.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?

It gives him gas.

Why did he kill himself?

Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.

Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.

Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.

POV: me telling a joke.

My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.

Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

Me: I have an arrow in my head.

My friend: What's the point of that?

Me: Of the arrow?

Friend: No!

Me: Probably the flint.

I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?

Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.