Health jokes
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
What is the healthiest fruit?
An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
Mrs. Mallara's boobs were (69) pounds. She said that was too too too much (69222), so she went to 51st Street (6922251) to visit Doctor X (6922251 x), and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8).
She ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
My foot itches.
An obese kid farts.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.