Health jokes
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
VAPING IS ALSO BAD
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's appealing!
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!