Health jokes
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. š
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. šµ
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Memes
me before summer
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
Why canāt orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, āWhere are your parents?ā
Where do you bring a canoe that doesnāt feel good?... The boat dock.
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhš§
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
What is a snake's favorite drug?
Adder-all.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.