Health jokes
"I need to go to the doctor!"
"Why?"
"It has a crack in it."
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.
Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.
COVID-19. IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?
Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.