Health jokes
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
Memes
Shitpost-master general
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?
Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?
So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.
But don't worry, he is all right now.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
It's snot fair!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
Spinach
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because she felt peely!
What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."
A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"
Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."
Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"
Keep rolling your eyes and maybe you'll find a brain back there.
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?
She ended up under the doc[tor].