Therapy jokes
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?
Prince Andrew's victims.
Why did you go depressed?
Because you’re you.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.