Therapy jokes
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.