Therapy jokes

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.

He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.

I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"

Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

What's an emo's least favorite show?

Dr. Phil.

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Depression medicine and therapy.

GO AWAY!

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait.