Health jokes

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.

Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.

For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.

Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

Because he had no BODY to go with!

Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."

Gym Teacher: "That's alright."

Other Kid: "Hush!"

When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?

Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.

Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?

Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.

Down syndrome sucks!

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

Why did the ass go to therapy?

It couldn't deal with all the crap.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.

Why did the vampire go to the doctor?

Because of his coffin.

Why do people eat bananas? Because it's appealing!