Health jokes
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.
Q: What boofa?
A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!
If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
Solve this equation: a gay boy + a whole lot of drugs = A hyped up f'ing machine.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.