Health jokes
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped off a curb stone.
Q: What's the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic? A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete
What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
What is a snake's favorite drug?
Adder-all.
"I need to go to the doctor!"
"Why?"
"It has a crack in it."
My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.
Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?