Vampire Jokes

Anonymous

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, “I thought you guys only drink blood?”

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, “I’m making tea.”

2
Anonymous
in Depression

I tried to get my bloood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside

Vampire

what did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? same time next month?

6
pro joker

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

PVE 😘
in Puns

What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?

A nectarine

Aiden

Q:how can you tell if a vampire is sick

A:By how much hes coffin

GIRL

3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”

The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”

“Hot water?”

“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”

Anonymous
in Puns

A Vampire Stalks you into a field of corn, The stakes have never been higher…

Andrew
in Puns

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman

Frostbite

Kill me

What do you call vampire Matt Damon? Bat Damon!

Anonymous

What do lesbian vampires say after sex?

“See you next month.”

0
Anonymous
in Fruit

what’s a vampires favourite fruit? a neck-tarine

Lane

What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? “Same time next month?”

0
Old timer

Mommy mommy! Are we Vampires? Shut up and drink your soup before it clots.

DN (deeznutz)
in Bad

why cant vampires tell jokes right? all their jokes just SUCK

Nivedh jha

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

AnimeLover
in Bat

What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?

Love at first bite <3

Yeet
in Puns

The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife’s coughin’ (coffin…coughin’…get it?)

Anonymous
in Adult

What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after the lesbian vampire was done licking the pussy of the heterosexual woman? when is your next blood period?

0
Anonymous
in Drink

What is the favorite drink of a vampire? bloody mary