Vampire Jokes

Anonymous

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

2
Anonymous
in Depression

I tried to get my bloood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside

Vampire

what did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? same time next month?

7

A Vampire goes to the Bakery:

Vampire🧛‍♂️: „One Bun please.“

Bäcker👩‍🍳: „But you're Vampire, don't you need blood 🩸 ?“

Vampir🧛‍♂️: „Yes, there is an accident outside and i need something to dip“

GIRL

3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”

The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”

“Hot water?”

“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”

PVE 😘
in Puns

What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?

A nectarine

Aiden

Q:how can you tell if a vampire is sick

A:By how much hes coffin

Anonymous
in Puns

A Vampire Stalks you into a field of corn, The stakes have never been higher...

Andrew
in Puns

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman

Frostbite

in Halloween

me: *stabs vampire*

wife: omg

me: *beats vampire to death*

wife: OMG

me: what

wife: ur supposed to give them candy

me: well thats a sticky situation now isnt it barbara

Old timer

Mommy mommy! Are we Vampires? Shut up and drink your soup before it clots.

Kill me

What do you call vampire Matt Damon? Bat Damon!

pro joker

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

Halloween joke:

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

A blood test

Anonymous

What do lesbian vampires say after sex?

"See you next month."

0
Anonymous
in Fruit

what's a vampires favourite fruit? a neck-tarine

Lane

What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? "Same time next month?"

0
in Orphan

Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption? He thought his son sucked.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?……. Frostbite.