Vampire jokes
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
What do you get when you cross Freddie Mercury and Dracula?
A dead man with AIDS.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
How do you know a vampire's sick? If he's coffin (coughing?)
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.