Health jokes
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
Memes
EVery fat ass
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?
It gives him gas.
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?
Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?
COVID-19. IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.