POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
Health Jokes
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."
My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.
You know who else has dementia?
Comments for answer.
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.
COVID-19. IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!
Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
