Health jokes

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

What did the mongol say to his dog?

Down syndrome!

If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.

When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.

Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?

A. They call an AmBOOlance.

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

Cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.

"Dog the dog" and Maggie were frightened of her, and the kangaroo said that she had to be in a hospital with a doctor. Jokes and Maggie were walking. I was going to go off the road to the city hall to see her, and I said that the only one-piece dress for women readymade RB collection, as he was walking in the city, and Maggie was a little bit more on the side of it.

What's the difference between Cain Dashiell and Down syndrome?

Nothing.

You're so skinny, if someone farts in your direction, you will fly away.

A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!

What is an obese lady's blood type?

Nutella.

What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning, how are you today?

Q: Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone?

A: He has turrets.

There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.

How do you make a baby float?

You take your foot off its head.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.