Health jokes
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"