Health jokes

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.

What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?

One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!

Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.

What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.

A man gets an email from his doctor.

"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."

The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?

What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?

Chewbacca.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

Why was the apple 🍎 sad?

Because he got his peelings hurt.

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.

I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.

What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?

Hair pull.