Health jokes
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Why is Delta jealous?
Because Omicron took the final kill.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.