Health jokes
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
Memes
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.
Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.
I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!