Health jokes
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken had corona.
Alles tut weh.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
– It just didn’t work out.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.