Health jokes
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?
Because they like to floss.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.