Health jokes

Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?

Because they like to floss.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

"What do you tell a person with depression?

Just hang in there, buddy!"

What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"

Why is it always cold in the hospital?

To keep the vegetables fresh.

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

Why is Delta jealous?

Because Omicron took the final kill.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?

Doctor: The morgue.

Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!

Doctor: And we're not there yet!

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.

What do my balls and emos have in common?

...Nothing, they both hang themselves...

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

My bum hurts.