Health jokes
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
What's bad? A nut allergy.
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.