Health jokes
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.
Memes
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
Why can't orphans smoke?
They don't have parents ._.
Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.
Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.
You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
What is the American virus? Diabetes.