Health jokes

Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!

Why did he go to the chiropractors?

To get his spine fixed.

I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.

You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's...

You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.

Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.

Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?

You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.

I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.

Why can't orphans smoke?

They don't have parents ._.

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?

They're both fat.

What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?

A KIDNey!

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.