Health jokes
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.