Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.
Health Jokes
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
Why can't orphans smoke?
They don't have parents ._.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
