Health jokes
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
My bum hurts.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?