Health jokes
"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
What's black and eats Kitty?
Serval cancer.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?
Because they like to floss.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.