Health jokes
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?
Because they like to floss.
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
...Because there's always a cast!
"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.