Health jokes
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
What's bad? A nut allergy.
You're so fat, that you're fat.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.
"I thought you quit," replied the guard.
"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.
What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.