Health jokes
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
Memes
Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.