Health jokes
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
Why is Delta jealous?
Because Omicron took the final kill.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
Why can't orphans smoke?
They don't have parents ._.
I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.