Health jokes
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
Memes
Every god damn day
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.