Health jokes
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
Solve this equation: a gay boy + a whole lot of drugs = A hyped up f'ing machine.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?
A: 2:30
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
Like if I'm fine-ish.
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
Anong tawag sa cake na may ubo?
Edi cough cake! NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAKAJAHA LT TLGA BOSIT
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
"Simon says touch your chin."
The fat people be like, "Which one?"
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.