Health jokes
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
"You is so black your mama fainted."
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
Why Cristiano Ronaldo loves oranges??
Because they contain vitamin suiiiii!
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."