Health jokes
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
What is a pooper man called? A dentist.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get his DENTAL FLOW checked.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.