Health jokes
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
The pilot goes "We're going down!"
The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
Solve this equation: a gay boy + a whole lot of drugs = A hyped up f'ing machine.