200+ Paper Jokes

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

The image shows three pictures of Dwayne Johnson. In the first he has his fist clenched and is labeled "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson", in the second he holds his hand out and is labeled "Dwayne 'The Paper' Johnson", and in the third he makes a peace sign with his fingers and is labeled "Dwayne 'The Scissors' Johnson."

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it was stuck in a crack.

Why did not the toilet paper make it across the road to escape the corono virise?

After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...

...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:

"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?

"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.