Paper jokes

"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

Be papered.

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?

Scissors beat paper.

Twin towers are like identical twins, and I threw a paper airplane.

Paper.

Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!

POV: I threw a paper airplane between the two twins, class.

Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.

Toilet paper: Ya, right.

The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.

What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?

So, it was you....

Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."